I am a so-called Leo…

So I’m supposed to love the limelight, love being centre of attention, loyal friend, loud, outgoing… Google says: “Like a crackling fire, Leos tend to be warm, passionate, and dynamic. They delight in opportunities to let their charismatic, inclusive personality shine. And like the lion that represents them, Leos are also strong, brave, and ready to dominate everything they set out to do”

Aaaaand… I look at this and go…so where do I fit in? lol!

YES I am warm. YES I am passionate. YES I am inclusive.

No I hate the limelight. No I am not brave. No I don’t want to dominate anything I promise! I like my own space, I love interacting with people but then afterwards I need my me time, in my space with my things, sans humans.

I am not the type of person that tries to stand out from the crowd and be noticed, in fact I dress very mediocrely…if for any reason I am noticed it’s because I’m a bit strange, I like things that people think I wont like and I say things very straight and bluntly because I don’t really care if anyone agrees or disagrees. I am sometimes a bit loud when I get excited and I have high standards, I am a good friend I think but if you ignore me for a while I wont take offense because I’m just fine in my own thoughts and goings on and don’t even realize we haven’t spoken in weeks- oh and I am a texter, don’t call me unless you texted to check if I can take a call- but I prefer a text. Ill call you out if you are wrong, whether you are my friend or family, I believe in talking about disagreements and then laughing afterwards. I am real, I cry with characters on TV and sing along to advertisements I like or in traffic to most of the songs on radio.

I love my family and my small close knit circle of friends but I don’t see myself fitting into the mold they say I should fit in. I am just here …I am just me… don’t try to out doo anyone, I don’t try to impress anyone. Please don’t disrupt my peace, I have the capacity for crazy hee hee….

Its been a minute…

I haven’t written in 7 years gosh! sooo much has happened …but so much has not changed at all lol! (lets not mention Covid) but I think Ill start blogging on a regular basis again, its a good outlet, I’m older so I now realize how much of a therapy this is actually… I love the 40’s I must say, I’ve grown to embrace myself, my rolls and bigger midsection, my natural hair texture, my personality and the need to be an individual and not part of the background noise…I am also so much more tolerant of peoples different personality traits and how we all have short comings and baggage, but are just trying to get through today and to be kind but to not be a pushover or doormat… I like myself a whole lot more since 2014… I am at the age that I thought Id be wearing pleated midi skirts with frilly blouses and block heels (not a bad look if you get the proportions and colours right) LOL! but I’m still the jeans and slops wearing; lover of the colour blue; comfy above sexy type of dresser and I’m starting to like my bare face better than my made-up one! Whodathunkit!?

Here’s to growing older!

Here’s to writing about it 🙂

Im outa here!

You know when it’s time to change jobs, it’s just something you know inherently, no one can tell you when you are ready, you will know it. And when it actually happens, all the other puzzle pieces fall into place around that one decision you have made…

For a while I have been knowing it’s time for me to move on, too many things were getting in the way of a good day and a good day was lesser and lesser easy to find, it got more and more difficult to keep the positive,keep smiling and you reach the point where you know you have to make a move, not for yourself only but for the sake and sanity of your family and friends.

After you know it, the time has come that you are moving out of your old office and into your new one, and you are filled with mixed feelings, excitement, sadness, enthusiasm, angst…
Although the work environment you are leaving has become a bit more than a pain in the rear, you’ve still made a considerable amount of friends and acquaintances at your old job, people who lifted you up on a bad day, people who encouraged you and people with whom you could crack a joke from time to time, just to get the day to pass quicker or less painfully. Some people actually crawl deep in your heart and you find that you have so much in common and you become great friends and all of a sudden you need to say bye to each other, sure everyone promises to keep in touch but it gets complicated in everyday life.

…………on the other hand I cannot wait to start the new journey, new people, new systems, new way of doing things, new building, new desk, new pen, new chair, new route to work, new sights all round! and its true change is as good if not better than a holiday! 🙂
and this feeling tends to overwhelm the feeling of will I be what they need, what they want, what they are expecting, will I be a success? only time will tell…
God knows He opened this door for me, and I am here to learn from Him, so let His will be done in my life, all I do is praise and honour Him for all the blessings!
Thank you Jesus, thank you for the excitement, the fear the uncertainly and the never-ending grace that surrounds me every day.

Liebster Award

Im happy to be nomintated by Eat Sunshine for Breakfast (Sara) for Nominating me, this is such a fun idea! Here goes:

Here are the Liebster Award Rules:
1.Thank and link to the person who nominated you and display the Liebster Award
2.State the Liebster Award rules
3.Give 11 random facts about yourself
4.Answer the 11 questions given to you
5.Nominate 11 blogs with less than 200 followers
6.Give them 11 questions to answer
7.Let the bloggers know you’ve nominated them

11 Random Facts About Myself
1. I love reading fantacy adventures (Harry Potter being top of my list)
2. I adore my husband of 6 years, we must have been married in a previous life 🙂
3. Lavendar talc smells like my late granny, miss her so much xxx
4. I’m a practical thinker and get irritated by people who are too dreamy
5. I love all living creatures, especially dogs, they are the best friends you could ever have!
6. I love God and I believe that the Best IS Yet To Come!
7. My favourite food is pizza
8. My favourite city is my home town Cape Town South Africa
9. Im the baby the the family with an older sister and a mommy, Dad passed on when I was 5years old.
10. I am a Receptionist and love meeting new people
11. I hate hairdressers, I cut colour and treat my own hair and I love love love Henna!

Questions from Eat Sunshine for Breakfast
1. What’s your favourite season? I love all seasons, Summer heat is great cause then I can swim, Winter is great cuase then i can snuggle up infront the fire, Autumn is great cause of the pretty colours the trees make, Sprint is great love the flowers booming!
2. All time fav show? Revenge
3. What animal I would be? Bird, I would love th freedom of flying
4. Country If travel to next? Id love to see Europe, Greece in particular
5. Earliest memory I have? playing in the backyard waiting on my hair to dry- I had lots of it and mum believed in all things natural 🙂
6. Instagram or Twitter? Instagram
7. Whats my phone background right now? A picture of me and my love
8. Song selected on my ipod? Dont have an ipod lol!
9. My favourite drink? Guava juice 🙂
10. Vacate in the woods or by the ocean? Both but ive overdone the ocean so would go for the woods this time 🙂
11. Fav colour? Blue!

Blogs I nomitate:
1. afairyelephant
2. Lost and Found, Metaphorically Speaking
3. stealinglucy
4. Flourishing Love
5. Theessenceofkhia
6. Beauty and beyond
7. Wonderofsomethingcurvy
8. titaniumharvey
9. mariahkeryn

Questions for you
1. What is your favourite part of your body?
2. Whats your least best asset?
3. What makes you giggle?
4. Vanilla or Chocolate?
5. If you won the lotto, what would you do?
6. If you were a super hero who would you be?
7. What is your favourite fruit?
8. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
9. Whats your motto in life?
10. Name your first pet’s name
11. What’s your pet peeve?

I hate feeling like a victim

I hate feeling like a victim.

I hate feeling like a victim

I’m the gutsy type… I am proud to say I commute to work daily have been for years and years…nothing fases me. Cape Town’s mini bus taxi’s , trains (metrofail) etc. I’ve been there got the t-shirt , the scars and the story behind the story….

Always laughed when people look at me in angst; Are you not afraid you will get robbed, mugged or hurt? ‘no!’ its only people travelling just like me!’

ya…

 

and then I got mugged…

I hate being a statistic

I hate feeling so useless

defenseless

just another silly girl being mugged

statistic

that’s me

 

I never take out my phone on the train, I know I must be careful, I don’t even like listening to music while I travel because then I cant hear announcements and clues all around me while I travel…why this day was different? I don’t know, why did I suddenly feel the urge to plug-in the earphones, and let my thoughts drift into nothingness..I know that’s what you are not supposed to do! why did I do it?

next thing

im being squashed between three guys, they don’t use any force, they don’t need to , im flabbergasted cause I wasnt paying attention , its like taking candy from a baby, before I know whats going on, they have found my phone in my bag, disconnected my earphones and slipped away unnoticed by me or those around me,…… GONE!

all my contacts, my sweet messages saved , me pictures, my love notes from hubby, my birthday reminders, my memo’s to myself to remember when convention is, when my period is due, when to fetch my order, what time my doctor’s appointment is….all the little things you don’t write down cause you have a smartphone…..best of all, it was the only thing that kept me on time since I didnt need a watch anymore….

but biggest of all, it was my connection with family , those you only get to see at funerals….the instatn messages across space and time….thts what I miss mostly….

yes I am grateful that my life is spared, I didn’t get hurt, im unscathed, yes God was protecting me even though I was on autopilot, yes i am more vigilant now…but willit happen again? probably….because it was so random…becuase it happened while I knew I should have been more careful….its a moment of stupidity i like to call it, that moment when your good common sense just takes a leave of absence for a short while, but that minute is enough to change your life…..sometimes temporarily…but very easily for good…..

 

xxxx

 

Happy with you

Happy with you.

Happy with you

Everyone wants to be happy….everyone… but how? Firstly its common knowledge that you can’t be happy by not connecting with people…so people affect your happiness…well its very very difficult to be happy with no human connections in your life right? But then in the same breath I wana say that you can’t stick your happiness onto someone, it can’t be dependable on someone else because then your happiness isn’t yours…its someone else’s right?

I’ve noticed so many times that Earl and I compliment each others moods, most days he is the serious one…(no Earl!? really???yes!!!!!) although people experience him to be the funny jovial person he can be, he is the more serious of the two of us. I’m the optimist, the morning person. So I’ll come from work on a regular day…bearing in mind i did commute so I don’t pay attention to traffic or other drivers or whatever..he does and this adds to his mood. By the time I get home its easy to engage in human communication 🙂 im chilled ready to chat ask how your day was etc. needless to say poor Earl is still a bit stuck i the frustration of the work day, the agitation of the drive home and it takes a bit of time to ease out. So I’ll be in an easy chatty mood and he will be in a quiet (unwinding) mood, but give me some time and soon I’ll have him as easy as I am….even on the days he is really agitated. All it takes is a little effort on my part plus a little determination…I’m determined not to fall into your mood, I’m determined to make you smile 🙂

Some days it’s a simple joke or telling him about something stupid id done at work today or just giving him a big fat hug, other days it’s a bit more difficult, and even less communicative, letting him blow steam off, just sitting next to him holding his hand, kissing him softly and persistently in his neck or my secret weapon always works: laying my head on his shoulder, just there in that nook that his head and shoulder creates, perfect size to fit my usually abnormal head into, its warm, its snug, it smells gooooood and I’m close to his heart so i can listen to it and feel his breathing and sync mine to his and sooner rather than later ill feel his hand kink around my arm or feel him squeeze me from the side…i feel you…i know your here, i appreciate you … i love you… and the next thing we will be chatting and talking stupid stuff in no time…

I’m happy with you  by my side….you complete me… you fulfill me…..

in that moment there is nothing more urgent, nothing more pressing to be done…dinner can wait; my need to clean hair can wait; the TV show starting next can wait, the world can wait….cause right now you are enough and im feeling that warm fuzzy feeling inside, it starts right down in my tummy…it starts to feel warm, then it slowly creeps up around my lungs, up into my arms and next and makes my cheeks pink and soon I feel my toes are warm and happy too….

 

that’s right

 

that’s you

 

xxxxx